You have to admit--A sense of humor is a good thing. Things don't always go just the way you want to, and a sense of humor can help you "switch gears" for a second or two.
Okay, it's time to collectively say to yourself: "Man, that Rick is messed up..." Why? 'Cause I thought this was funny:
Yeah, everyone like funny stuff, but I really appreciate the unusual things. This cartoon is a good example.
Sorry... But I like to chuckle. Sue me.
I did a bad thing a few weeks ago. I got hold of a new game.
Actually, it's not a new game, but a new version of a game that has already been out for a while. The games are called Bejeweled. I had the first game of the series, simply called Bejeweled, way back when and was amazed at the graphics. Then not long after that Bejeweled 2 came out. It was so good that I deleted the first Bejeweled and completely removed it from my list of installable software. I basically threw it away. There was simply no reason to ever go back. Recently I upgraded my computer with a new hard drive and went to reinstall everything. That's when I found there was a new Bejeweled out. This one is called Bejeweled Twist. It's a lot like Bejeweled 2, but with a lot of differences. It does, however, have one major difference:
It's addictive.
I mean highly addictive. It takes hold of your brain. You start recognizing the patterns in the game before they happen, learning to anticipate what single action will potentially line up the pieces for the most impressive cascade of colorful explosions.
I feel bad that I've hooked Suzie on it. Now it has a firm grasp on her life as well. To make matters worse, she's hooked her youngest son on it. It's gotten to the point that when we see something in the real world that is lined up a certain way we notice it.
"You know," I said to Suzie, thoughtfully gazing at the icons on my laptop screen the other night, "If we rotated these two like this..." holding my hand up and twisting it in midair "...They would line up for a Flame Bonus." We both laughed... Nervously realizing that we may possibly need help.
Yesterday morning when she awoke, I was playing it yet again. I stopped (just for a second) and turned to her.
"Good morning." I said. She grunted acknowledgment.
"You were talking in your sleep last night." I told her.
"I was?"
"Yeah, you said 'Bomb disarmed' (a comment from the game)."
"Huh uh..." she said, not believing it for a minute.
Well, think that's enough of this blogging crap for now--I've got a game to play and I'm starting to get the shakes...
Yes, Auburn's Police Blotter strikes again. Here are a few of the choice excerpts from recent history:
Police blotter
Aug. 12
Cruising under the influence: 9:04 a.m., 1500 West Valley Highway N. Police arrested a male person for driving under the influence after he fell asleep at the wheel while waiting for congested traffic in a construction zone.
Assault: 10:55 a.m., 1300 block of 69th Street Southeast. A female called to report that a girl had assaulted her in some undisclosed way at Sunset Park.
Aug. 11
Unhand those shorts dude: 12:25 p.m., 900 block of M Street Southeast. On a hot summer day in an apartment on the south end of the city, two men came to blows over a pair of basketball shorts. One guy winged a metal chair at the other guy, hitting him in the forehead. Before being separated, each combatant landed hostile blows on the other, opening up a cut on one head that demanded subsequent care at a local hospital. The prosecutor’s office charged both men with fighting in public.
Shoplifting: 10:30 p.m., 2115 Auburn Way S. Police arrested a woman for shoplifting an undisclosed something or other from the Muckleshoot Smoke Shop.
Trash talk on a Dumpster: 11:32 p.m., 600 Oravetz Road S.E. Somebody spray-painted a Dumpster, thereby vandalizing said Dumpster.
Aug. 6
Shoplifting: 9:10 p.m., 1702 Auburn Way N. A young man stole two Tilt alcohol beverages from the Top Foods, earning himself an arrest for shoplifting and for being in possession of a fermented beverage before he had accumulated enough years in his life to make that legal.
Lewd dude: 5:30 a.m., 4200 block of A Street Southeast. Somebody drew lewd pictures on three different vehicle windshields in grease paint. Nothing permanent, however.
Aug. 5
Forgery: 5:37 p.m., 1500 block of Auburn Way North. Police arrested a man cashing a check with a stolen account number on it. Although the guy said he had received the check in the mail, he still couldn’t explain to the satisfaction of suspicious officers why somebody should have sent to him a check for that amount.
Aug. 4
Egg boy: 10:30 p.m., 1300 block of E Street Southeast. Police arrested a boy for malicious mischief in the third degree after a night spent egging.
Plant breaker: 10:38 p.m., 500 block of 21st Street Southeast. A woman told police that her adult daughter had broken several potted plants. She declined to press charges.
Explosive device: 11:58 p.m., 1100 block of 17th Street Southeast. Police arrested a man after a traffic stop for driving with a suspended license. Police took the passenger into custody after finding a home-made bong at his feet inside the vehicle. In a search of the vehicle incident to arrest, officers found a high-powered explosive device underneath the passenger seat. Both males knew about the explosive device but neither would cop to owning it.
Assault: 6:05 p.m., 31200 block of 124th Avenue Southeast. A woman reported she was in an argument with her husband, said she slapped him and he returned the compliment.
Isn't it great to live in the USA?
It's hard to put into words what you experience when you attend the Fremont Solstice Fair and Parade in Seattle. The Fremont district is quirky in itself, but every year the best of the weird show up to turn their ideas into substance and their bodies into human art.
This was the first year I managed to make it to the event. Imagine that--Living here all my life and never attending such an event before, but yet knowing full well how zany and cool it is. For whatever reason I just never made it. Maybe there was something else going on that same day, maybe it was not great weather, maybe I just forgot about it until it was too late. Add to that the full knowledge of the madness of traffic to and from the area, and I probably chose not to go several times just for that reason alone.
Yesterday I finally made it.
Although I dearly wanted to take Suzie with me, she had obligations both yesterday and today and couldn't make it. It was truly a photographer's bonanza. Never have I been so inclined to spend all day at an event, just wandering and taking pictures. I guess the timing was right for it considering that I'm so into my photography hobby and the number of pictures I can take these days is practically unlimited. Well, although I could have stayed all day, that was not to be the case. Again I was struck with the same notion that I had during my vacation trip with Sarah last summer when I decided then that she was not anywhere near the adventurous type. Sarah is not a good partner for my kind of adventures. Although I love her dearly she is just not fun to travel with. You can just see it in her face all the time--The pained expression that, punctuated with an occasional burst of interest, reflects the fact that being there at that particular place and time is not convenient or fun. I'll be first to admit that attending some events can be tedious and you have to have a certain attitude to make it pleasurable. Sarah apparently hasn't got the right attitude for anything that takes her out of her comfort zone.
Anyway, back to the event.
Fortunately I know Seattle well, so given the traffic and such, we were able to approach the area from the best direction. The bad part was that because we were less than an hour from the start of the parade we had to park a good mile or so away. That's the trouble with parades and similar events--There are no parking lots like fairgrounds have. It's first come, first served--All residential and city street parallel parking. In the process of walking towards the area of the parade we saw quite a few interesting people. We probably saw a good half dozen naked bike riders go past us at various times, their bodies turned into a painted canvas. By the time we got to the beginning area of the parade where the floats and other interesting performers were staging, the nude bicyclists had just departed. Alas, we were still a half a block away from seeing that strange and colorful visual close enough for pictures. I don't know how many there were, but I'm sure there were a couple hundred easily. Some were painted head to toe, some just had designs and markings, and others were fully nude. Basically full nude to fully painted, and everything in between.
We continued walking and walking, trying to find a good spot to view the parade from. We still had a half hour or so before the parade actually started, and we used that entire time searching. It was at that time that Sarah first became annoyed. She was voicing her desire to get off the street. I think she was totally embarrassed to be walking on the street right in front of everyone, but that was really the only option. The sidewalks were totally jammed and nothing was moving. It's not like we were the only people walking on the street--That's pretty much how it had to be done if you wanted to move. At one point I detoured off the street and onto the sidewalk. That was a mistake. After a little of that I took us back to the street. The temperature yesterday was in the upper 70's, and when you add wall to wall bodies in a crowd scenario it felt like 95. Anyway, we finally found us a decent place and she lightened up a bit. There was actually a nice, wide concrete railing we could hoist our butts up onto and that helped us cool down a bit too. We had to be careful though--It was probably 30 feet down behind us.
Sarah shot about 200 pictures with her camera, and by the time we were finished I had taken 369 myself. The difference was that I was taking them all the time and she only took them from our parade viewing point. My favorite pictures are all the ones that I took before and after the parade. They truly captured some of the freedom of expression that the Fremont Solstice Fair is all about. Thousands and thousands of people, all out there to see or be seen. I only wish I could have stayed there longer. I missed you Suz!
Everything we do is all about numbers isn't it? We measure everything we do in life by numbers. It's how we know something is better or worse than something else. Numbers. Just try to explain something about anything without numbers coming into play somewhere in the explanation.
I had a few insignificant number milestones over the last week I may as well relate.
You have to admire a small town newspaper. (Okay, it's not really a small town, but the paper is small.) The Auburn Reporter paper comes out a few times a week and is available for free at various places around the area. Although they do have a website, it only contains a few of the top news bits. The real news is in the written version!
One section that's in the paper each time is called Police Blotter. Apparently, the person writing the Police Blotter is an aspiring comedy writer. Or maybe he or she just assumes nobody reads the stuff anyway, so why not dress it up a bit? I picked up the latest issue yesterday when I was at the library and here's a sampling of what I found:
Police blotter
April 12
Theft from vehicle: Overnight, 400 block of 8th Street Southwest. Suspects unknown forced their way into a car and stole unspecified motorcycle racing equipment of equally unspecified value.
Vandalism: 9:13 a.m., 1400 block of 8th Street Northeast. Unknown persons vandalized a person of unspecified gender's vehicle of unspecified make in a way police would just rather keep to themselves.
Assault: 3:25 p.m., 3030 R St. S.E. Police arrested a person described only as male for assaulting in some way a juvenile coincidentally also described only as male.
April 11
Vandalism: 1 p.m., 800 block of R Street Northeast. A male - youth, adult, who knows? - reported that somebody poured a sugar and water mixture into his gas tank about a week ago, doing his car mischief.
Traffic offense: 9:54 p.m., 1406 Lake Tapps Parkway S.E. Police arrested a man for reckless driving after he was observed doing donuts at a high rate of speed in the moderately-packed parking lot of Top Foods. The guy told police he was "just testing out his new modified exhaust system." He was additionally cited for his newly modified exhaust system.
April 8
Shoplifting: 1:45 a.m., 101 Auburn Way S. Police arrested a person for stealing a razor from Safeway after a store security saw him so doing.
Shoplifting: 2:58 p.m., 801 Auburn Way N. Police arrested a juvenile female at Fred Meyer for shoplifting clothing of some undefined type worth an amount we can only guess at.
I don't have much desire to write today, but I am wondering about something that occurred to me a while ago:
What makes hair totally "wing out" on some mornings when you get up and some mornings not? Granted, hair is always messed up when you awake in the morning, but I'm talking about more than that. I'm talking about goat horns sticking out the side of your head.
The side.
You would think that if hair was going to stand up on one side of your head it would all stand up on that side wouldn't you? Instead, I got two little areas about 1" each that decided to secede from the general hair populace.
I looked in the mirror and sighed. I tried to flatten them down (I don't know why--In case someone "dropped in" for a visit while I was making my lunch at 4am I guess) but to no avail. They just laughed at me and told me not to worry about them, knowing that I would drown them in the shower and force them to behave anyway.
I'm glad it's Friday.
Yep. The last thing you'll ever see me do is stifle a sneeze. The only one reason I would ever do something like that is if I have a mouthful of food or drink. Obviously that would not be pretty...
To me, sneezing is almost like an orgasm. But it's like an orgasm that you can do any place, any time... And people will even bless you for it! At least with a sneeze I can have a multiple of something. I guess I should feel lucky that I usually sneeze in twos. On a rare occasion I may get three or even more. That's like winning the sneeze lottery! My mom said the day I left the hospital after being born I sneezed two times the instant the sunlight hit my face. That still happens.
Sometimes I'll find myself with a little bit of a tickle in my nose and I'll finesse it--Inducing it into a sneeze by using the perfect velocity of breathing to get to the trigger point. For those of you that have ever played in band in school, it's very similar to a reed instrument like a clarinet or saxophone (which I played, but that's strictly coincidence). The air you blow into the mouthpiece makes the reed vibrate and it produces sound. In my case however, the "reed" gives me a nasal orgasm.
Sometimes the split second during a good sneeze may be the best you'll feel all day long!
There can, however, occasionally be a downside to a good sneeze. The obvious one that comes to mind would be those times when you can't quite get to that handkerchief or Kleenex in time. Especially if you're sick.
Another downside of sneezing is simply where the sneeze occurs. What you're doing, or the company you're in at the time of a sneeze can really alter the natural course of events that might have taken place had the sneeze(s) never occurred. You know what I mean... Job interview, first date, gynecologist exam, --The list goes on and on.
The real downside of a sneeze is a sneezed-caused trauma--When you actually hurt yourself in some way. I can remember one time when I sneezed while I was walking and hurt myself. As I recall I had a big sneeze just when I was stepping off a curb, and that resulted in a pulled back/side muscle. I'm serious. I think it hurt me for a few days. The more common sneeze trauma may sound more weird (which pretty much fits me doesn't it?) but really is much more common. That is when your tongue ends up getting a "nip" from your teeth during a good sneeze. I think it's like your tongue kind of ricochets and ends up in the bite zone at just the wrong instant. You have to admit, a sneeze can only be voluntary up to a point, and after that there's no telling what kind of contraction or chain reaction you might set loose. I've heard stories of some people peeing their pants (or even worse) during a good sneeze.
You know one thing that I find awkward about sneezing? The official "blessing of the sneeze" that you're supposed to administer when someone sneezes. I'm not religious at all, so my only choice really is to say gesundheit. What should a person say in that instance? Sometimes I say something like "whoa!" and sometimes I just let it go.
Yep, I really like sneezing.
Sometimes I wonder about me. It can't all be age-related can it?
Last night I was sitting here right before bed, and I was idly rubbing the top of my head while reading something online. After a few seconds it occurred to me that there was something "different" up there. I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror, but realized that I couldn't see quite up high enough to see what it was. (Not having someone to confer with is one of the downfalls of living alone.) I browsed around the house for another mirror to double up with and finally managed to see the area in question.
There up on top of my head was what appeared to be a wound about an inch and a half long, with a slight bump to go with it. Not a real fresh one either.
WTF?
Don't you think I would remember banging my head into something? Well I don't. Try as I might, I can not remember hitting my head on anything at all in recent memory. I don't usually get drunk enough to fall down, or worse yet, drunk enough to not remember events that transpire. Does that mean I'm sleep walking? Or worse yet, "clumsy, klutzy, bump-into-shit" sleep walking?
Obviously I did something at some point, so that probably means one of the following things:
I doubt if a lot of my friends know I had a personals ad running on Craiglist.
It wasn't your usual personals ad like someone looking for their ideal mate--It was me advertising my wish to wash my car in the nude at someones house. Yes, you heard me. My landlord had written a "no car washing" rule into the contract because of something a prior tenant did, so I can't wash them here. It's such a simple little request isn't it? You would think so, but evidently not.
Well, I did get a few well-wishers, such as people that wished they could take me up on it but didn't have the space and things like that, but no takers. I ran basically the same thing last summer as well, again receiving the same sort of replies with no takers.
Here's the most recent version of it as it appeared in Craigslist:
Nudist will wash your cars! - m4wYes, this is on the level. I posted a similar ad last summer, but only received a few good luck wishes, so I thought I'd give it another shot.
I love to be out in the sun wearing nothing but a smile, and I also have a very dirty car and no place to wash it (it's a landlord thing to prevent water abuse). If you let me wash my car at your secluded location, I'll wash your vehicle(s) as well.
I don't have any other motives than to enjoy being outdoors au naturale and to get my disgustingly dirty car clean. I don't care if you watch or help. I'm not going to do anything bad, nor am I a strange/unusual/lecherous person. I'm a decent-looking genuinely nice guy with a penchant for breezes and sun. Maybe there's some other outside chores you need help with?
I would like to limit myself to the South King/North Pierce County area.
Give it a shot!
nude housecleaning - m4mw
I am offering nice nude housecleaning you get a very nice looking nude male cleaning up a bit while you touch and play???twenty per hour...email for pics and times???
Location: Anywhere
nude housecleaning and or light body work - m4mw
I need a hair cut and would love to be naked while you cut my hair???Let me know very nice looking male????
Location: South Seattle
working at home in the nude - m4mw
I am working from home in the nude any ladies and or couples want to stop by and lend a helping hand. email for pic and location
Location: Kent
I wonder if it's normal? To enjoy going to bed at night?
It's not something I can ever recall ever hearing anyone admit to. Whether in person, in a book, on TV, or in a movie. I'm not talking about the tired, "Whew I'm bushed... I can't wait to get to bed" statement--That's more of a health necessity.
No, I'm talking about enjoying the feeling of laying down in bed. I sleep nude and have for years, and I love the the feeling of lying there sprawled out as far as I can... Maybe sliding my legs back and forth and enjoying the feeling of the sheets against my skin. I like to try to feel my whole body relax... From the bottoms of my feet all the way to the top of my head. Sometimes I will just revel in the feeling.
Maybe it's because I love my bed? Okay, call me spoiled.
Most of the time a make a noise when I lie down--Kind of a cross between a groan and a sigh. I think the best way to explain it is what happens when you lay a set of bagpipes down: They deflate slowly with a dying sound... Then blissful quiet. I know for a fact that there have been many times I've had a big grin on my face after putting my head against my pillow... Eyes closed and lying in the darkened room.
What's weird to me is that I will sometimes go to bed early just to feel that feeling. Sure, boredom sometimes has a lot to do with it, or maybe I'm just trying to wash my hands of a crappy day. Kind of a silent way for me to resign with a, "Fuck today, let's give tomorrow a shot" and move on. Truth is, when I lie down and I feel the familiar buzzing in my body (think about it sometime--You'll notice it most in your feet and lower legs) of total relaxation, I'm in nirvana.
Lots of people will tell you that you "lose" half of your life while sleeping. I don't agree--Nothing is lost if you enjoy it. They'll say there's a way to figure out how much of your life that you actually have lost or will lose before you die, but you know what?
I don't want to waste my time doing math--I could be lying in bed sleeping instead!
Hi, my name is Rick, and I can't buy meat. (clap, clap) "Welcome, Rick."
As weird as it sounds, it seems to be true. I wander into a grocery store with good intentions, lovingly picking out all the best deals on stuff. Sometimes I go blasting in with a short list of items and blast back out again, but sometimes I go in and carefully wander each aisle, looking for the elusive loss-leaders. Although I usually shop from a list, I find it's also beneficial to go up and down each aisle just for that occasional "Oh yeah, I forgot about that" visual reminder. Everything goes well until I turn the corner to the meat section.
Then I freeze up.
I look at the meats all lined up... Keeping my distance... Noting the array color shades. Beef, pork, chicken, and "mystery meat" (sausages and other strange things). I might stand there for a minute, hoping that a price sign might catch my eye, and with a deep sigh, advance for a closer look. At what? I have no idea. I see the meats lying there in their nice, clean plastic-covered packages and that's as far as I get. I look at the cuts of meat and have no idea if they're any good, and if they should be cooked a certain way or best used for a certain thing. After pondering things like that for a few minutes, I look at the prices of the packages. With a sigh of resignation, I shuffle off.
Meat: 1 - Rick: 0
I see the price of a package of meat, and I'm faced with two scenarios of uncertainty:
I had an idea today.
Many, many years ago, I had an idea to put water in cans in pop machines. There were many times that a nice, cold container of water that I could take with me sounded good instead of soda. Plus, it would be easier than going to the water fountain all the time. Everyone laughed at me. "Who the hell is going to pay money for water?" Well, it was true--Back then water was free everywhere. So was air for your car tires. Remember those days? Well, I had it right... I only missed on the container type, but that's only because they never had machines that would dispense plastic bottles back then. (Sigh) My brush with greatness.
So what about today's idea? Okay, I know you're all going to laugh, but here it is: A nose tampon. Say what?! Yep... Imagine you have a cold and your nose just won't stop running. You practically wear the poor thing out wiping it all day. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to put something in there that would absorb everything?
Naturally it would have to have some sort of a plastic tubular opening in the middle so you could still breathe or swallow without creating a vacuum.
Also, it would have to have an age minimum to use it. You can't trust kids to do the right thing when it comes to orifices you know. Come to think of it, you can't really trust adults either. But that's another story.
Of course it would have to have The String. It wouldn't be right without it. You wouldn't want to dig around in there when it was time to change it any more than... Well, you know.
Who knows? It could be my brush with greatness. Just remember: If Johnson & Johnson ever comes out with one, you heard it here first.
Okay, this is a weird thing... And it sounds like something that would come from my odd little mind...
I woke up this morning in the same state as I do most mornings. I lay there for a while thinking about it, and I tried analyze why it is that guys wake up with woodies. What the hell is that about? Is it something built-in that's designed to keep us in bed for while longer? Is it designed to keep us from accidentally rolling out of bed?
I'm not a dreamer for the most part. I wish I was--I feel I'm missing out. Maybe I dream every night and just don't remember them--I don't know. Sure, occasionally I may have a dream I can remember. It seems like the only time I do remember them is when I wake up and then go back to sleep for no more than about a half hour before the alarm goes off. But the point is, none of the dreams that I can recall having are ever erotic dreams, so why a morning woody? Sure, sometimes I wake up and have to pee right away, but sometimes not. The state of my bladder seems to have no bearing on it either.
I lay there this morning wondering if it's another of our body's system checks. You know? Like when all of a sudden you get a ringing in your ear that tapers in... Plays for a minute... Then tapers back out. Someone at the control panel in your brain logs in on the clipboard and says, "Left ear checks out okay at 14,000 hertz." Then he gets on the intercom and hollers out, "You boys down in the penis section, don't forget--It's the weekend, so your scheduled firmness check isn't until 5:14 tomorrow morning."
Can't you just see that? It's like one of our self-diagnostics... A "check engine" light if you will.
What it kind of makes me worry about is this: What about those few mornings I wake up without a hardon? Does that mean I had a system failure? Ohmygod...
I'd better enjoy them while I can.
When is pain not pain?
Everyone knows about pain that hurts--Almost all pain hurts, and sometimes horribly. I am no stranger to that, but in addition to your "standard" pain, I sometimes get pains that feel strangely good.
How is this possible?
How can it be pain if it feels good? Pain should feel good or it wouldn't be pain, right? I spent a long time puzzling over this yesterday at work, and I still have trouble relating it in words. People have trouble with units of measure when it comes to right or wrong, black or white, pain or pleasure, and many other similar opposites. Without one, we would find it impossible to accurately describe or measure the other.
So how is it that I have pains that border on pleasure?
They're always the same kind of pain--A kind of dull throb deep inside--Possibly bone deep. I almost always get them in my feet or legs when I get them, but sometimes hands. I don't know when I first noticed these things, but I do remember getting them when I worked at a desk job at Boeing. If they were at the "right" intensity, the aches felt strangely relaxing. If the intensity was just slightly increased, it gave me "restless leg" where no matter what I did I couldn't get comfortable and couldn't stop shuffling myself around. When that happened, it was very, very irritating. The throbbing ache was very random and had no correlation with heartbeat or anything. I think those events back then usually signaled the onset of another herpes breakout as I recall. Those breakouts usually manifested themselves in quite a variety of ways before they actually happened. The internal dull throb was one of them.
Here's the closest I can get to setting up a scenario that people may have experienced in their past: You hit your hand (not finger) with a hammer, hard enough that it really hurts. Everything stops--You drop you tool of destruction and hold onto your injured hand with a grimace on your face. After a few seconds, the pain subsides, and there is a small window where the pain actually becomes a warm feeling that sort of floods the area. You sigh and pick up the hammer and resume your work, left with a throbbing reminder to be more careful. It's that short-lived area between "warmness" and throbbing that I'm talking about. I've had the same thing happen when I bang my knee real hard or something similar. While cussing with a grimace on your face and rubbing the injured knee, the warm/dull throb transition occurs and feels strangely good for a short time.
The feeling I've just described is what I'm experiencing now, only it lasts and lasts. Remember I talked a few days ago about popping my left ankle going down the stairs? All day yesterday while I was at work (I was standing or leaning all day, running the press) it was happening. There were just a few times where it throbbed slightly past the "pleasure point" and made me jump or shuffle my weight, but for the most part it was nonstop all day. Even now as I write, it's sending its happy little throbbing feeling to the receptors in my unusual brain.
Hey, maybe my receptor is off and needs to be calibrated! Well to tell you the truth, I don't want it to be calibrated. It affords me enough of an input to tell me to favor my ankle, but yet it gives me a sort of reward for putting up with it.
Is that twisted or what?
