Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Blog of Nail Biting


It's been quite a while since I've blogged... And who knows how long it will be until the next time? While we have had some time here and there to just relax and fart around, the pace around here will be ramping up quite a bit in the next few weeks.

It's getting close--Very close--To wedding day, and I don't mind telling you I'm nervous.

I'm not sure exactly why. I know a major part of it is worry that's I'm going to drop the ball. There are a lot of preparations that have been made and a lot are still in the works, which is pretty much the way weddings and other special events go. Suzie is doing almost all of it. That's where my worry comes in. She is doing a fantastic job, don't get me wrong, but I'm worried about my part of it because I'm not exactly stellar when it comes to doing a lot of things at a frantic pace. If she's doing 90% of the stuff that has to be done, that leaves me with 10%. I don't mind the uneven stack of duties--After all, she has more hour in the day at her disposal, and quite frankly, she's much better at getting things done than I am anyway. No, what bothers me is that I might drop the ball somewhere in the 10% that I have. While I have a small amount of duties, they are very important ones. Most of them are food and shopping related, and our list is fairly substantial. I worry about the things that I am going to be cooking. The amounts, the start times, the cooking times, the seasonings, the, the, the. Every time I think about it I get nervous all over again.

I'm nervous also that I'm going to be leaving my home. This is my home. This was my sanctuary when I escaped the bounds of a troubled marriage, and now I'm going to be giving it up--To go the other direction. I'm going to miss this place. I like this place. When I leave Suzie's house on the evenings that I'm visiting, I still always feel good to come home. To my home. To my bed. It's just hard. Even Sue has thought of this place as an escape. I'm going to miss the great water pressure, the two bathrooms, and the big rooms, and the nice driveway.

I'm nervous about having to move all my stuff and not having room to put it. My stuff is pretty equally split between house and garage, and it's going to be a tight squeeze in both departments. Sure, a lot of my stuff is crap--Purely functional and nothing more--But it's my crap.

I'm nervous about the impending confrontations that will undoubtedly surface when it comes time to decide which of our pots and pans stays and which ones go.

I never really thought much before about the ease of vehicle parking, but that's another thing that makes me feel weird (I'm using nervous a lot). Here where I live, I don't have to "juggle" vehicles if I want to take the Harley to work in the morning, but obviously that will have to change. There will be no more going to work on two wheels "on a whim". I will have to plan such a morning departure the previous evening. I know I'm going to catch hell for using the "C" word again, but I am a considerate person, and starting a Harley up in the back yard in suburbia just doesn't sit well with me. Trouble is, that's about all you can do really--Pushing a Harley across wet grass, through gravel, a gate, and between cars is a recipe for disaster.

Yeah, I'm nervous. On the other hand, so is Suzie. She is welcoming me into her home--A home that she has groomed and built into a place she could be proud of. When you stand in her home and look around, evidence of her hard work is all around you. She will most likely have trouble allowing me full freedom--Husband or not.

It's going to be hard, and I'm nervous.

No comments: