The Bob Effect

"That should help him."
I was walking by the packaging area I used to work in and Bruce was there, stacking and organizing some boxes neatly with their appropriate paperwork underneath--Boxes that were destined for Boeing.
"Who? What?" I asked, stopping.
"Bob. This should help him get it right." he said, motioning to his pile of boxes.
I laughed and thought about it for a moment. We were always commenting on things Bob had done wrong or strangely on any given day. Then I had an epiphany.
"Yeah, anything you can do to minimize the Bob Effect is surely a good thing," I said, suddenly proud of the sound of the new term I had just created. I could tell Bruce liked it too. It sounded like something sinister--Something from a sci-fi movie.
"The Bob Effect." he repeated, tasting the words as they rolled off his tongue.

Bob is about my age and he's working the same packaging area I used to work when I was first hired on, and is also doing most of the driving just as I did. I don't think he used to be quite as scatterbrained as he is now, but he's had some interesting screwups. We used to call them "Bob-ism's" and still do occasionally. When we would hear about something he did or didn't do, we'd just shake our head and mutter.

One time when he was still relatively new he was up north somewhere doing a delivery or pickup of some kind. Word had gotten around that the company was going to be looking for a "new" van to replace the aging relic that we had to deal with. Bob actually stopped at a dealership in Kirkland and talked with a salesman! He came back with literature and everything and told Bruce about it. Bruce, of course, was flabberghasted. If Bernie LaCroix would have ever found out that he did that on company time he would have been gone I'm sure. That was the first real slip. A Pink Floyd album comes to mind: A Momentary Lapse of Reason. Little did we know all the things the future would bring.

Bob is a classic. One time he was gone a couple hours. The time went by with Bruce wandering by every now and then.
"Bob come back yet?" he asked.
"Nope, nothing yet." I said, and we both shook our heads.
When he finally showed up, Bruce asked him where he had been.
"I went to PM Testing." he said, in a matter-of-fact way. PM Testing is one of the companies that does finish work like painting and such for us. They are located in Fife, which is about a half hour each way if there is no traffic (there is always traffic).
"Who told you to go to PM Testing?" Bruce asked in disbelief.
I don't remember his exact response. Basically, nobody told him to go. He just went. On his own.

Hellooo... Earth to Bob... Do you read?

Bob would constantly deliver the wrong thing to the wrong place and have to go back and correct things. I'm sure he cost the company money on more than one occasion--Making a delivery late for whatever reason. He routinely takes twice as long as I do (or most anyone ever has) to make deliveries and pickups.

We have determined that he must be working for free.

The most common instance of the Bob Effect is when he departs when Bruce wasn't ready for him to leave yet.
"Where's Bob?" Bruce would ask, coming out of the office.
"He just left."
"Bob! Jeezus... I haven't even given him everything yet." he'd say with exasperation. We'd both exchange a look of helplessness and shake our heads.

Another often repeated scenario was when he left and didn't take the product with him. I told Bruce if he didn't actually have sailboat fuel for brains I'd think he planned it that way so he could make two trips to kill more time. But we determined that he really had no clue.

Other instances of the Bob Effect come in-house. When he packages something and writes on the box, we can no longer assume that what's written is inside the box. If he writes the weight on a box and gives it to me to send UPS, I re-weigh it when he's not looking.

We constantly make jokes about him, but you know what? We like him. He's our own Jester. He's the one thing we need to keep our mundane day interesting.
"Where's Bob?" Bruce will ask.
"Probably at Ernie's Truck Stop," I'd say, "perusing the greasy goodness behind the glass in their deli case."

The Bob Effect. You'd better hope it doesn't spread.