It's Eating Me...

Sometimes I don't see myself blogging any more. I've done it before. I know I won't do what I did last time and ever delete my blog (I still can't believe I did that), but I can seriously see times when I won't write anything in it for a while. It's weird though--I start feeling guilty about it.

The way my mind works is the whole problem. Did you ever see someone in a movie or in a TV show that starts to talk, and little by little their words get closer together and they start talking faster and faster and their voice gets higher and higher and pretty soonthey'retalkinglikethisandpracticallyscreamingpanicstricken? That's kind of how it works. I think about things, and my mind gets too analytical and critical and one thing leads to another and pretty soon I'm feeling overwhelmed or frazzled or something. Most of the time I can stop it, but sometimes it drags me down into a funk. It's like my mind punishes me because it thinks I'm doing everything all wrong.

My blogging has reached the point it has been at times before--The point where it becomes tedious. I think what it is, is the fact that more often than not it's just a boring diary. My favorite blogging is during times when I become introspective (like this post) or times when I do a poem or other times when something almost literary springs forth from my keyboard. Will I stop it? No. I will always feel the need to jot something exciting or dreary down in words. I think I just need to be more inspired or something. Basically, I'm saying if you don't see anything written here for a few days every now and then, it's one of those times.

Back to my wandering mind--My feelings of frustration and the like. I started thinking about it, and everything in my life seems to be going very well--The best it's been in a long time as a matter of fact. I'm totally in love and feeling great about that, but there's something there in my mind--Creating thoughts of uneasiness and eating at me.

I think I've figured out what it is this time: LaCroix Industries.

I like my "job" as much as I've always liked it, but suddenly (maybe not suddenly, but I just realized it) I don't like my employer any more. There are too many things going wrong there, and too many people playing the "blame game" on each other. I used to think it was just a sort of tension that suddenly existed between the owners and us (me and Suzie) since they found out that we were seeing each other, but it's much more than that. There are times when I wouldn't feel at all surprised if someone went postal there out of frustration and our little company ended up on the news. The owners want the company to grow and adamantly state that it will do so, but yet are doing nothing at all to help it grow except accepting more work that we can't handle. We've exceeded our capacity, we employ too many idiots, and we're using pencils and scratch paper in a computerized world.

I also get so mad at how Suz is being treated in the office. She has worked there like 11 years or so, and has gotten 3 raises during that whole time. I got 3 raises my first year. She does a huge amount of work that encompasses many areas of expertise and what does she get for it? Nothing. The workload of late has put office staffers on overtime just to try to keep up, and what happens? Accusations, finger-pointing, blame--Nothing good is happening in there. I'm getting fed up at watching it unfold before me.

I want us both OUT.