Parental Failure?

I am not a good parent. No, it's true. I like to think I'm a good father, but I'm not a good parent. I have problems with showing affection and administering discipline, and I will usually go out of my way to avoid confrontations. Those are necessary parenting skills, and I'm without them. I placate myself by telling myself that even as bad as I am, I'm worlds better than my dad was. I think I'm a good friend to Sarah, but not a good parent. That's my problem. That is a tough paradox to deal with. It has been said that you can't be both. I've seen situations that seem to be the contrary though, so I don't buy it. Even though I know that if you don't administer discipline the right way you lose trust and respect, I still can't do it right.

I'm not the only one with problems--Teresa's not a stellar parent either. Don't get me wrong--She's an extremely devoted and loving mother, but not a good parent. She doesn't know when to not hound her about homework, or when once might be enough, but more than once creates spiteful behavior. They are constantly bickering at each other. It wouldn't be much better if I still lived there either, because when I would be overwhelmed with their hollering back and forth, I would holler like you can't believe. I'm sure neighbors have heard that in the past, and I'm sorry for it. I just get to a breaking point.

I know my shortcomings and weaknesses, and I'm not in denial.

I see Sarah's actions lately and I have to do a mental balancing act--How much of what I see is a result of bad parenting, and how much of it is just typical teen? Teen angst and asserting their independence have always been hard for the parents to deal with. Time hasn't changed that, and I doubt it ever will. I don't know if it's a girl thing or what, but I'm not happy with the events of late.

Sarah has been getting more and more serious with a guy at school over time, and according to Teresa, they are now (as of last weekend) boyfriend/girlfriend. The problem? Sarah has pretty much ignored everything else going on in her life. She has never been a stellar example of responsibility, but now it's worse. All she does is text message back and forth constantly.

Here's a good example: I have been bugging her for the last couple weeks about her mother's birthday (which is today btw) and never got much of a response. Last night after her tennis match, I walked up to her and said, "Sarah, what about mom's birthday?"
Her friend nearby said, "Today is your mom's birthday?"
Sarah tells her no it's tomorrow, and says to me, "When have I had time to shop?"
I said, "Her birthday is on the same day every year, and I've been warning you. You'd better do something for her birthday tomorrow."

Other examples are her lack of concern for school and homework issues. She has been a straight-A student forever, and is now slipping quite a bit. Do I threaten to take her phone away?

Another thing that bugs me is the fact that I went out of my way to shop for her car. For months I scoured and drove here and there looking at people's pieces of shit for sale. Since we brought her car home a week and a half ago and parked it, she hasn't once been out to the car to vacuum it, clean it, learn its features, or even sit in it and change all the radio presets. She hasn't once asked to go driving it since we brought it home.

She has just shut everything out of her mind. Is teen love that blind? It obviously affects girls more differently than boys... No wonder girls get hurt so often.

All I know is that today is Teresa's birthday, and I'll bet Sarah hasn't bought her anything or even made her a card. I bought her a couple of interesting little specialty candy items I saw in a store, so at least I'm getting her something. Ex-husbands generally don't do such a thing.

Daughter's DO.