The Art of Acquisition

I used to chastise Teresa for doing some of the things she did, and now I'm doing them.

Way back when, when we were fairly newly married and Sarah was not a part of our lives yet, I was still a delivery driver for The Peterson Company and happened to be working on a Saturday for whatever reason. As I recall, it was a partial workday because I came home at about noon. She probably thought she could have him out of the house before I got home, but I caught them.

No, no... Stop right there! I know what you're thinking and that's exactly what I wanted you to think. Gotcha!

She had some guy there that was demonstrating a vacuum cleaner. I couldn't believe it. I think it was a Kirby but I'm not sure. Anyway, I was miffed. It was Saturday and I came home after work to find some salesman in my living room?! I took her aside to get to the bottom of it.
"What the hell is he doing here?" I asked sternly.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to buy anything," she explained.
"Well then why did you even let him in? You're just wasting his time and ours. I don't want to come home and find a salesman in my house" I said with exasperation.
"Because he's giving away a free bread knife if we listen to his spiel and we don't have one!" she said excitedly.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disbelief.
"Okay, but I can't be around during this kind of crap. I'll be back." I said and went back out to my pickup and left.

Yes, she really did do that. The funny part was that the knife really wasn't anything special at all as far as quality. It was just a good bread knife as far as the design went, but the quality of it sucked. It just shows the lengths she went for a hot deal. The funniest part? I own it right now! I remember probably a year or so after the vacuum incident we were at a garage sale and she found another of the same knives and bought it for probably a quarter. When we split up I ended up with the original. Pretty strange.

I have no idea how many of those kinds of things she's done. Most of the time they are just those "no obligation" deals where you're automatically enrolled in some sort of thing if you get the first of a series or whatever. She would get them and the instant they arrived would call and cancel. I have to admit, she got some good deals that way.

One morning a few years back I got up in the morning and turned on the coffee pot and it went "phhttt" and gave up its meager existence right then when I needed it most. Teresa must have been up or maybe I swore loud enough to cause her to get up to see what was wrong. I don't remember that part. What I thought was funny was that she just calmly went down to the basement and came upstairs with a brand spanking new Gevalia coffee maker--Never opened and still in the box.
"What the hell? Do you always rathole appliances?" I asked, both pleased and in minor disbelief.
"It was one of those deals where you spend a few bucks on some of their coffee and they send you a free coffee maker. I just wanted the coffee," she explained. "Aren't you glad I did it?"
I muttered something I'm sure, but I was definitely glad she did it, yes. It was one of those kinds of coffee makers that have a thermos carafe though, and I never really liked that part of it because the second cup of my coffee was always too hot to drink. I had to turn it completely off after it brewed or I'd never be able to drink my second cup in time. It definitely made good coffee though.

Fast-forward to two days ago.

I went online and went to Gevalia and ordered myself two packages of coffee for $15 so I could get a new coffee maker. I am disgusted with the coffee maker I have now because it it the cheapest Procter Silex they make I'm sure, and it doesn't make a good cup of coffee.

You know the funny part of this whole story? The day I moved out she came walking up the basement stairs with it--Brand new in the box--And handed it to me.

"Will this one do?" she asked.